Obsession

I wake up at night. It is 2:30 AM and my mind accelerates, as does my heartbeat. There is no point in turning around for another couple of minutes anymore, I won't find any rest. 

I go to the bathroom and put in my contact lense and use some eyedrops and sit down in front of my screen. The whole day has revolved around this moment, it is time for playoff basketball and my team is playing. The Toronto Raptors, the underdog from Canada. 

Last year, from April through June, was a magical time because we ended up winning the NBA championship. Notice I said "we"? 

For somebody living in Germany it is not exactly comfortable to stay up every other night to watch live games that take place on the other side of the globe, but that is part of the excitement. Feeling connected with the team and knowing what happened before everybody else around here does. 

I have never been to Canada, nor the US for that matter. When I started playing basketball myself I was often watching highlight clips online of Derrick Rose, who was playing for the Chicago Bulls at the time. He had just won MVP and was blowing up the league and his explosive athleticism was captivating to me. My friends, however, were interested in different teams and as we were playing pick-up basketball in our local gym or on a public court, they were yelling other names like "Kobe" or even "Lowry" as they were taking difficult shots. 

If you know anything about basketball you might wonder why in 2013 somebody yells "Lowry" as they take a shot. That must certainly come from somebody with a distinguished taste and understanding in the sport. 

As I learned to play the game, I tried to replicate my friend's set of moves and even started yelling "Lowry" myself much sooner than I knew who that player actually was or what made him so good that my friends yelled his name in the first place. With my growing interest and affection for the sport, I occasionally watched a live game with them during the playoffs and since Derrick Rose got injured exactly after I started following him and the Bulls became less and less interesting to watch, I watched more and more games of the team up north. 

Luckily, there were two players there worth watching at the time, Kyle Lowry and Demar DeRozan. The latter quickly became my new favorite player to watch and to see the two on and off the court was enchanting. Basketball was always about friendship for me and there was no pair in the league quite like them. 

Our playoff runs, although the team almost improved with every year, were always cut short by LeBron James. Until he left for the Western Conference and Demar was traded.

I remember the day clearly: it was 18.07.2019 and I wake up to several messages and screenshots my teammates have sent me. In a blockbuster trade the Raptors traded their franchise star DeRozan and Jakob Poeltl for Kawhi Leonard and Danny Green from the San Antonio Spurs. Somewhere in the trade was also a protected pick for 2021 I believe. The most immediate concern was that Leonard only played 8 games in the previous season and has only one year left on his contract. That's called a rental in layman's terms, since he is free to walk after just one season. A big risk for the franchise, but it paid off.

We fast forward to the playoffs and the Raptors sit on the second seed in the Eastern Conference and Leonard sat out 18-20 games, which we still won most of. Everybody in the team looks much improved and ready for the long run. And we fucking do it. 

We win against Orlando in five games after dropping the first, which is sort of a thing for the Raptors if you know their history. 

We win against a stacked Philadelphia team in a thriller series including a four bounce buzzer beating shot in game 7. Google that. 

We win against Milwaukee and the MVP Giannis in six games after dropping the first two. 

We win against the Golden State Warriors in six games while taking all the road games from them.

However, Leonard leaves Toronto to join the Clippers after that season, which left the team without their elite closer, since Leonard arguably is a top 3 guy in the league at that point. Thus, the Raptors are back to being counted out, being overlooked and disrespected. In a way, back to square one. 

The American media continues to slam Toronto for not being attractive to super stars, even though Leonard's highlight moments were painted on houses all across Toronto and he was the beloved sole star of an entire nation. 

Yet, the team captured the second seed in the Eastern Conference once again and performed incredible against the great teams of both Conferences, playing a competitive brand of basketball. Although we have had an injury riddled season, with multiple starters being sidelined at the same time, our next-man-up mentality and team-oriented basketball got us the win in many crucial games. Toronto has always drafted very well and they have incredible staff when it comes to player development, so the team is able to make the playoffs repeatedly while still improving with what they get from the draft and free agency, since the front office under Masai Ujiri and Bobby Webster keeps finessing the competition. 

We win against the Brooklyn Nets in four games, the first playoff sweep in franchise history.

We lose against the Boston Celtics in seven games in heartbreaking fashion. 

To understand my disappointment you would have to be a fan of the team as well. My girlfriend only looks at me confused. Compassionate, but incapable to grasp how it feels because losing at that point only proves everybody else right: Toronto only won because of Leonard. It scares me to think of free agency, of the decisions the front office will make and how competitive they will deem the team. Many key players are up for new contracts, but the upcoming free agency is not the one that everybody is excited for. That would be the one after that. 

If you are around basketball as much as I am, you know the media around it. I consumed all of that for the last couple of weeks, the playoffs were my fuel. Podcasts, sports shows, arguments online and in real life, I was at the front because I know how good my team really is. What hurts most about this is that Boston didn't win this series as much as Toronto lost it. We could have really done it, but there were too many mistakes that cost us in the end. To go into every single player's performance during this series would be overwhelming me as much as it would overwhelm you, but know this: Kyle Lowry is a legend in Toronto and he will get his statue in front of the arena. 

I have yet to catch up on sports media since the loss. To me, the playoffs have ended. I won't stay up until 3:00 AM in the morning anymore or get out of bed to watch basketball until next year. I struggled to even talk about this so soon, but I knew that writing out my feelings would be a cathartic exercise and it would be good. Last year, my friend and I recorded a podcast about the championship run after the playoffs for over two hours and it was so much fun. We send each other long voice messages pre and post almost every single game and write live comments during the most crucial ones. That's just how obsessed we are.