Skip to main content

Posts

Action and Intention

I came across this youtuber called "Universal Man" and his series "Man of Action", where he talks about reconfiguring your neurological circuits away from short and spiky reward habits like watching porn, eating junk food, playing video games, celebrity voyeurism, etc. to disciplines, both short and long term, to improve your overall mental health, fitness, career and so on.

One of the things I draw from this is that my internet cookies must be quite easy to read because this is not something that I would have searched for myself, but something that I find interesting at the moment. In regards of my thesis at University, which I struggle still to work on, let's just be honest, I started to test more of the topics that Russell Brand talks about in his book "Recovery", which is the main source for my thesis, out for myself.

Russell argues that we live in a society today that is almost run by addiction. Sociel media, food, pornography, drugs - everything…
Recent posts

Stressed out

Yesterday I had a thought about possibly getting rid of my post-it notes that are in front of me basically all day, since I spend a lot of time at my desk. The reason that they are there is because I feel that when I write something down I don't need to remember it all the time and essentially, I can forget it for a little while. Post-its do have the tendency to remain on my desk for about a year, especially when I am not at my best, so you have to consider that how you might use them as a responsible human being might differ from the way that I use them right now. Anyway, yesterday I thought that maybe getting rid of them would be in my best interest because then I would not constantly be triggered when I am looking at them. Now they serve not as I intended to use them, but maybe as they were intended to be used by their inventor (or simply the first person to ever write a note to themselves).  Maybe them stressing me out all the time is useful because eventually I will be so str…

The saddest dream to come true

I remember the night that you took me back
And the feeling that I had in your bed
How I couldn't fall asleep for some time
How unreal it all seemed to me that moment

I remember thinking this normally doesn't happen
And I was incredibly saddened
To realise that part of me never wanted you to take me back
To go through all that pain one more time

I remember feeling that it wasn't meant to last
And when you fell asleep right away
It seemed that you were not as heavyhearted as I was
It all happened just a bit too fast

Because it was never meant to last
Since it was born from lust and not from heart
An urge, a desire, a flame
But eventually
Flames burn out

Abuse

Abuse is a lot about power.
You either give power over yourself to something and you abuse it or someone has power over you and abuses you.
Abuse is the result of generations that are in conflict with themselves and possibly, as a result of that, with others too.
It is sad and terrible at the same time.
Abuse is the lack of coping mechanisms, the inability to express yourself over and over and over again.
Abuse is the result of emotional isolation and all it causes is more isolation.
It is choosing the short term solution every time and it is exhausting.
Abuse will take everything from you.

-

Abuse
is when the outward appearance is everything
and the inside really doesn't mean anything

Abuse
is when the bad things you say about me I start to believe
and the family I had hoped we'd be is only make belief

Abuse
runs in my family
and I hope it has its end with me

Mother

I know a lot has been taken from you
And so you became very defensive
But there was still beauty in your life
And responsibility, yet you rarely saw it
Maybe your sight was clouded
I know mine sure is sometimes
But you raised me an image of yourself
So I became an angry man
With a lot of bad habits
But I got a hang on them
Even those you are still struggling with
Because I can see beauty
And I see my responsibility
To look after myself better than you did
I know a lot has been taken from you
But you have overlooked your child
And I musn't be so
Ungrateful

On Part Two

Part Two of Challenger is almost finished. It has been a difficult task, to be quite honest. I have to thank everyone that has been helpful in the beginning that helped motivate me to keep going, but even so it is important that I include those people that have been encouraging me to finish. I can see the end now, it will come very soon. It is my intention to finish the entire thing this year and get it some what ready for readers as well.
It is part of a lot of what I have been posting or referencing earlier. The true path, the quest... Somewhat King inspired, sure, but still it goes somewhat deeper than that. It is the Leviathan, the beast that Captain Ahab was after... any challenge that is self-imposed, any challenge that is ultimate, any challenge that seems somewhat bigger than the one who takes it on. This is what enables growth, more than anything. It leaves room for terrible failure at a chance to be incredible right, to be successfull, to make it work, at least somehow. 
I h…

On the true Path

My eyes are wide open
I have travelled far and wide
But my path it was true

I am weary, but also determined
To reach the end
(Of the clearing)

In life's brightest moments
But also in it's darkest
My eyes had to adjust

I have seen it all
And I am still on my way
To uphold the balance, I must

Yet I've been (un)broken
So many times over
My faith has been tested

But as I have travelled
In moments I have squinted
And wondered about the purpose

If it justified the means
Or if the ending was going to be
What I wanted it to

My eyes are wide open
And my path, it was true
I have travelled far and wide
As I have travelled with you