I think in a relationship there needs to be irritation of some sort, be that indecisiveness when in lack of leadership or arguments about differing opinions and maybe even fights. If the destructive potential of these interactions isn't too great, then it releases built-up tension and makes room for new (and maybe familiar) experiences and feelings (that might have been neglected recently) and it is both of that or leads to both of that on its own. If there is a balance between care and irritation, then the relationship is going to be strong enough to withstand obstacles. If one is never challenged, one can not grow. Much the same way, I think, it applies to human relationships of any kind.
Sometimes we talk and fight and sometimes we communicate non-verbally, focusing on love and/or kindness, but often when I fight it is almost like an intellectual (or just really stupid) sparring. I would like to think that I surround myself with intelligent people and I love to communicate openly and direclty with them, so when the opportunity arises to test my opinion against their own, lately I have noticed that I try to convince them of my point of view, reality or opinion, even if I wouldn't like to admit that I do that in that particular moment. But a stable relationship or friendship is not about pleasing one person (that can only "win" an argument and have the other person surrender their opinion). Recently, I have read about love and how it relates to death because it is a complete surrender to the otherness of the beloved.
For me personally that means that I have to try and shut up more. Not only show my affection towards other people with kindness and care, but also in a manner of respectful communication and surrender my bossy opinion. I think that might be a greater show of strength (speaking in the metaphor of a fight), then to dominate every time. It leaves room for the other person to feel triumphant and thus both parts of the relationship have an opportunity to grow. Maybe it is about ego, in the end. Maybe it is schoolyard-psychology and because somebody was mean around us in our past, we became mean. Maybe it is about honesty and exposing oneself, which is practised so rarely in our society, I find.
Sometimes we talk and fight and sometimes we communicate non-verbally, focusing on love and/or kindness, but often when I fight it is almost like an intellectual (or just really stupid) sparring. I would like to think that I surround myself with intelligent people and I love to communicate openly and direclty with them, so when the opportunity arises to test my opinion against their own, lately I have noticed that I try to convince them of my point of view, reality or opinion, even if I wouldn't like to admit that I do that in that particular moment. But a stable relationship or friendship is not about pleasing one person (that can only "win" an argument and have the other person surrender their opinion). Recently, I have read about love and how it relates to death because it is a complete surrender to the otherness of the beloved.
For me personally that means that I have to try and shut up more. Not only show my affection towards other people with kindness and care, but also in a manner of respectful communication and surrender my bossy opinion. I think that might be a greater show of strength (speaking in the metaphor of a fight), then to dominate every time. It leaves room for the other person to feel triumphant and thus both parts of the relationship have an opportunity to grow. Maybe it is about ego, in the end. Maybe it is schoolyard-psychology and because somebody was mean around us in our past, we became mean. Maybe it is about honesty and exposing oneself, which is practised so rarely in our society, I find.
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