Skip to main content

Blindsided

I try to stay as optimistic as possible. Life often tells me it’s quite the opposite, but what’s the point of arguing with life, if you still want to live it? Sometimes though, it hits you and then often from an angle that you wouldn’t have anticipated.
I want inner peace and harmony. I avoid having unnecessary fights. I make sure to make myself very clear most of the time, just so that I can avoid being misunderstood.
But you might have a bad day and I might be, too. When the temper is flying high or when things go primal inside of you, I find it hard to tell myself that everything is cool and that I shouldn’t worry about this or that.
That’s because of life and the lessons I have learned and I am not trying to get anyone’s pity - to me, I am just making sure that I am understood right.
I find myself wondering about the purpose of life and my place in this world. Not everything in absolutes.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Conflicted

About two weeks ago I had a doctor's appointment, which from my experience I was expecting to be a lengthier affair. I hadn't seen him in a while and we would always have a lovely chat, yet this last time our business was rather brief and I was surprised to find myself in the middle of an anecdote of mine when there was obviously no reason for me to take up anymore of his time than necessary. The moment became really awkward actually when I quickly wrapped up my tale only to find that his reaction was not how I thought it was going to be and after saying our goodbyes I went home feeling a certain way about myself. It took some time of reflection to understand that I was desperate to have a conversation with someone. That I was lonely during that time and didn't really know where to go with myself, but that would only be half of the truth. It wasn't that I was lacking direction, but that I was missing motivation - that I was scared. There are few things that I like ...
2 comments
Read more

On Priviledge

I understand that the situation worldwide surrounding COVID-19 is terrible. It is required that people stay home during this time in order to slow down the spread of the pandemic and that is as much attention as I intend to give to this omnipresent topic for now, but even the invasion of my thoughts in the morning, as I write this, is difficult to deal with because I am trying to explain myself in a somewhat chronological fashion and it is bound to come up again in this retrospective practice. There are certain stress related symptoms that I am experiencing again lately. A couple of months back was the first time that I had a skin-related issue besides severe backpain after I was done working on my thesis and it was a little troubling for me, honestly speaking. I believe the symptoms are now showing again because of the last couple of weeks. My mother, whose age I am not willing to specify other than elderly, was scheduled to have a hip replacement operation and I was nervous as hell...
2 comments
Read more

Change

The one thing that has been on my mind the most over the course of the last couple of weeks was, and still is, change. The best way I can describe how it has made me feel like would be to talk about a friend of mine. It is a close friend of mine, one of my best friends in fact, (but) and he is moving away. See, my first instinct was to say "one of my best friends in fact, but he is moving away" because that's how I feel right now or rather have felt for some time now. "..., but he is moving away" implies that our relationship is going to change, which I know it will not. He is not doing something to me, I understand. "... and he is moving away" implies that our relationship is more firmly embedded in trust. That we both understand that life is like that and friends might move away at some point, but you still stay friends. You just don't see each other all the time. Actually, most of our friends have already moved a little further away from were we...
1 comment
Read more