The purpose of this entry is twofold: For one, it is an explanation as to why I have missed out on posting on my schedule, even when admittedly very few people (if any at all) even noticed or care. However, I do and I did, but as it turns out it might just be necessary, sometimes, that I have something like this happen to me, maybe a missed appointment, an unanswered call or a couple of sleepless nights. Those might be required for me to notice that there is something that is not quite right, to put it mildly - that there is a thing that is frightening, anxiety provoking or in any other way unsettling, which eventually I can't ignore anymore. I have gotten better at realising that something like that is happening, however, I still take my time (and often need advice) with an actual solution, a way forward.
The purpose of this entry is also to explain to myself why it was that I did not post (on all mediums) yesterday. This blog, however, is rather serious for me because it is the way I started this particular journey that might still be evolving, regardless, it is the beginning and thus, it is important. It requires that I acknowledge every step of the way, which makes a lot more sense than you would think, considering what I just talked about in therapy.
It is precisely the thing that I was struggling with - that I was avoiding and that I fear the potential judgement, the potential power of: acknowledging the monster (of my writing, of my person). So the purpose is twofold (an apology and a task) not just to the reader, but also to myself, since both the blog and myself (or we all) are works in progress and are deemed (or doomed) to fail sometimes, but what is important, what is meaningful, is the struggle forward. Because we cannot go backward, we could only stay in one place and suffer.
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